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Beyond the Stereotypes: My Personal Neurodivergent Experience
Dannie-Lu Carr: Executive Coach
Why am I sharing this?
This article comes from a much loved member of the ASK family; Dannie-Lu Carr, a Consultant many of you will have met as one of the Associates who leads our programmes. Here, she writes about her own journey as a late diagnosed woman with ADHD and Autism – the real, unvarnished version that social media algorithms don’t show you, and the stereotypes that can be so harmful!
We recently shared an article from ASK MD, Alex Speed, speaking about how his career has been shaped by autism – and from another consultant, Eliza Adams, and how ADHD has shaped her work. Much like their experiences, Dannie-Lu writes honestly about the challenges – and benefits – of her neurodivergent mind in how she thinks, and how she works.
Read on for insight into neurodivergence, and how your Leaders and Managers could change the culture of your teams, and better support your people.
From accidentally reading people’s minds (social sensitivity) to my dog tolerating my lengthy discourses on everything from Nirvana to behavioural psychology, my neurodivergent experience is not always what the memes would have you believe.
The same is true for many – and I’m opening up about my neurodivergent journey for a rather simple reason: to build bridges of understanding.
By sharing the unvarnished reality of living with co-occurring ADHD and Autism, I hope to gently challenge those well-meaning (but rather oversimplified) notions that seem to dominate social media feeds these days. My aim is to create both awareness and a bit of lightness around neurodiversity, while helping others see beyond the clichés and endless TikTok diagnosis videos. Because goodness knows, if I have to watch another “You might have ADHD if…” video featuring someone staring at an unfolded pile of laundry, I may just lose the plot entirely. Laundry has never been my issue!
In conversations about neurodivergence…
My experience with co-occurring ADHD and Autism challenges mainstream ideas about these conditions. Popular understanding is often limited by stereotypes, which miss how these conditions show up in real life – for me and many others. My own experience reveals the diversity within the neurodivergent community, and shows why we need to think beyond conventional definitions.
My neurodivergence includes characteristics that highlight the complexity of these experiences:
Heightened social sensitivity instead of social blindness: I notice subtle expressions, tone shifts, and interpersonal dynamics that others miss. Yes, rather inconveniently, I can tell when someone is fibbing about pretty much anything – and I cannot fib for toffee either (my face speaks even when I don’t!)
Effective multitasking abilities that help me manage multiple streams of information at once. Though I must confess, this doesn’t extend to remembering where I put my keys whilst simultaneously wondering if I’ve left the oven on!
Multiple deep interests in people (inter and intrapersonal), animals (in particular dogs), arts, words, and music – rather than a single restricted focus. My dog has learned to tolerate my lengthy discourses on everything from Nirvana to deep behavioural psychology, and I can definitely read her boredom at times!
Pattern recognition that works across both social and intellectual contexts, sparking creative thinking. This is brilliant for problem-solving but does mean I sometimes connect dots that others don’t see, leading to those blank stares that suggest I’ve grown a second head. I am very used to that reaction!
The Problem with Oversimplification.
Social media has brought neurodiversity more widely into public awareness, which is positive. However, memes and simplistic definitions have created a distorted picture of Autism and ADHD (and other neurodivergences , like dyslexia, dyscalculia, dyspraxia, and certain manifestations of C/PTSD).
These representations reduce complex neurological differences to a handful of stereotypical traits that miss the true depth of neurodivergent experiences.
When we oversimplify these conditions, we create real problems:
People whose experiences don’t match these simplified versions may go undiagnosed
Those with valid diagnoses but atypical presentations may doubt themselves
Stereotypes get reinforced rather than challenged
Complex conditions get reduced to quirky traits, minimising real struggles
False either/or thinking emerges, when the reality is far more nuanced
Recent statistics have evidenced that burnout impacts neurodivergent people far more commonly than their neurotypical peers. Losing a member of your team to burnout means losing their creativity, their expertise, their potential, the success and reward they bring to their work.
Knowing this, it's vitally important for neurodivergent people to share their real, lived experiences, and for Leaders and Managers to see beyond caricatures, and to better support them within an organisational culture that prioritises psychological safety.
Neurodivergence covers a vast array of diagnoses and support needs - so there is no one-size-fits-all solution to meeting those needs, or helping your people to thrive. Compassion, being open to learning, and listening to what your employees say, is the key
Balancing Strengths with Challenges
While my profile – ADHD and Autism – brings many traits that include significant strengths, there are real costs that come with these neurological differences:
The Hidden Energy Cost: My social sensitivity lets me perceive subtle dynamics, but requires tremendous mental energy. Regular social interactions that others take for granted can leave me depleted, and sometimes trigger migraines that take days to fully resolve, impacting effective neurological function. Think of it as having a powerful but thirsty engine – strong performance, limited mileage.
The Multitasking Reality: While I can effectively juggle multiple streams of information, maintaining this ability requires sophisticated internal systems and considerable effort that isn’t visible to others. I can do it, even for extended periods of time, but then I am completed depleted and need recovery time, usually just me and my dog, in a quiet and subtly lit room. My internal operating system is rather like a laptop running far too many programmes at once – impressive when it works, and prone to the occasional spectacular crash!
Emotional Intensity and Shutdowns: I sometimes experience emotions more vividly than others – which enhances my creativity, but can lead to emotional overwhelm. When sensory input, social demands, and emotional intensity become too much, I experience shutdowns where my typical capabilities temporarily diminish. Again, cue that room! It’s a bit like being a kettle that’s been left to boil too long – eventually, the automatic switch-off kicks in, for safety’s sake!
When I’m well-rested, I can navigate social demands with apparent ease. But when I’m tired, these carefully built adaptations will begin to fail. I tend to speak and act too fast for myself, trip on my words, or become clumsy and accident-prone. This triggers intense self-criticism, creating a negative spiral that further depletes my limited resources, and I want to run for cover. I am working on getting better at communicating to those in my circle that these are warning signs and when they present, I need reminding (strongly!) that I have to stop and rest.
These challenges point to specific supports that can make a meaningful difference:
Recovery Time and Space: Having dedicated periods to recover after demanding activities isn’t optional – it’s necessary maintenance for my neurological system, as essential as insulin is to someone with diabetes.
Environment Adaptations: Simple modifications to lighting, sound, and spatial arrangements can dramatically reduce my cognitive load and sensory strain. My ideal working environment falls somewhere between “cosy library” and a gentle evening at the proms – without the rest of the audience!
Recognition Without Stereotyping: I need support that acknowledges my unique profile, without forcing me into stereotypical boxes. Because – contrary to popular belief – I can both maintain eye contact and be autistic – I know! It’s more common than you might think!
Understanding diverse neurodivergent presentations isn’t just about accuracy, it’s about embracing the full spectrum of human cognitive styles. When we expand our understanding to include profiles like mine, we take an important step toward truly honouring neurodivergent experiences, in all their complexity.
It’s crucial to understand that these neurological differences don’t diminish professional capabilities. With the right environment and practices in place, neurodivergent individuals often demonstrate exceptional dedication, creativity, and consistency. Our unique neurological wiring often translates to valuable professional attributes: attention to detail, creative problem-solving, genuine empathy, and seeing connections others might miss.
My hope is that by sharing these experiences, we can move toward a world where neurodivergent individuals aren’t forced to either deny their challenges or minimise their capabilities.
This isn’t just about accommodating differences, it’s about truly valuing the unique perspectives and contributions that come from diverse neurological experiences.
Dannie-Lu Carr is just one of the incredible people making up the ASK team – and is passionate about Leadership, equality and compassion in every aspect of working life.
If you want to know more about how your organisation can support your people, especially the neurodivergent members of your own teams, or creating an environment and culture where every person can thrive, we can help. Just ASK!